******
A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English…
*Getting There:*
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the
hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in
passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel,
because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in
the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new
guests.
On the way to the Hotel
On the way to the Hotel
*The hotel:*
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course
are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are
available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are
invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But
please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar.
We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play
with them self.
All your needs cared for
!All your needs cared for
!*The Restaurant:*
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting.
At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and
fiddle with you.
You mean there is a band playing
?You mean there is a band playing
?*Your Room:*
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In
winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering
views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic
noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by
pederasts.
What obscenities? I want to see
What obscenities? I want to see
*Bed*
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you
have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take
advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts,
blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Specialist Bed-Making
Specialist Bed-Making
*Above all:*
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope.
You will struggle to forget it.
I think they refer to the Great Wall of China
I think they refer to the Great Wall of China
Have you enjoyed that? I hope so!
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